Smooth Sailing?

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Smooth Sailing. My alarm does its thing this morning at 5:45 am. Loving that coffee pot timer that has already done its thing and filled the house with the aroma of Starbucks Morning Joe. Enjoyed a peaceful warm yummy cup, since Mom was nice enough to take the dogs last night until I return tomorrow.

Smooth Sailing. Showered…dressed…and in the car and off to Hartsfield Atlanta Airport by 6:30 am. No traffic, if you can believe that…in ATLANTA. It keeps on being a smooth sailing morning with a great parking space and shuttle to pick me up, like clockwork.

Smooth Sailing. I love CLEAR: two fingers down on the piece of glass, scan my boarding pass and shuttled to the front of the TSA Pre-Check line.

Smooth Sailing.

My sailboat is ready to crash, and this is hard to write. I wasn’t going to write it. I didn’t want to even think about it. But I have to. I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t. I’d love to pretend that this stuff only happens to others, to people who attend our unconscious bias training classes. But this is ME.

I chose a luggage X-ray line from the 3 available. I waited…kept waiting…for a spot to open in the new conveyor belt/grab a bin/put stuff in bin/push bin forward into an open spot system that Hartsfield is using.

I timed my push between two bins moving on the moving conveyer belt and when I did, created a jam. The TSA agent pushed my bin back and said, “I just announced to wait for me to tell you when to push your bin.”

I said, “Sorry!”

The black woman who had admonished me then said, “No you’re not.”

My sailboat crashed.

I said, “OH!

Just one word, but if you could have heard my inflection, my righteous indignation, my mental vibration that was behind that one word, this is what you would have intuited.

How dare you! Who are you to scold me? Who do you think you are? I’m the customer, the Diamond Medallion, Two Million Miler. If you were really doing your job you would have managed the flow of this line much better and I would not have had to wait 60 seconds to get a spot with a bin to go through this stupid system.

Yes. If you could have recorded my thoughts that burst from my brain in that split second response, all of that was contained in my “OH!

AND…her gender and color were in the formula too…OF COURSE…because they always are. My fast burst of superiority did include a fast and, usually, unexamined racial and gender based positioning on the ladder of societal pecking order.

Have I said this is hard to type? I’m carefully choosing each word now, unlike when I was engaging with the TSA Agent.

I can acknowledge what my ego/(me) blurted out this morning when a women doing her job decided to let me know that she didn’t think I was sorry; that I intentionally was rushing and being, perhaps, inconsiderate and pushy/entitled. Its much harder for me to acknowledge, that, on analysis now, sitting in my upgraded seat flying to NYC that I know my reaction would have been different if she was male and/or she was white. It’s impossible for me, right now, to play it out in my mind exactly to know what my reaction would be, but I know it would be different.

In that moment of her scolding of me, I looked down on her. I converted my slight shame of being “busted” for being pushy into a lightening fast judgment of her job, her authority and of HER…her humanity. That’s so hard to acknowledge.

My fingers are freezing up between each sentence.

I’m ashamed that my embedded privilege and nearly-always-unacknowledged-white-male-sense of superiority came flooding out of me in that moment of truth…that moment when my smooth sailing day was interrupted by a woman calling me on my obvious rude behavior.

And, I’ve been educating our workshop participants for over 3 years now that, it’s natural. To be human is to be biased. We see the world through a set of lenses that are uniquely ours, developed by our life journey, our background. We make sense of the world through pattern recognition. If we are not mindful, our conditioned patterns of implicitly biased associations, learned from our families, media, stereotypes and significant emotional events….our reptilian or “fast”/automatic pilot part of our brain pushes out a reaction and we say, “OH!”….or worse…when a black woman at the airport calls us out for not following instructions.

Or fill in the blank on what the incident is:

*a woman speaks confidently about her accomplishments in an job interview

*a person with a “thick” accent speaks up with an idea in the meeting

*a person of a different ethnicity moves into your lane without signaling or waiting their turn when you’re in a hurry

*a younger person keeps looking at their device during the meeting you’re running

Humans are biased. From those biases, we project assumptions, judgments and even characteristics onto others, often with little or no knowledge about that person’s motives, story, values, morals…or consideration of their humanity. (There’s that word again.)

Humanity. That’s the word I’m going to focus on today now that I’ve taken the time to write this down. For a few seconds, I forgot that word during my peaceful, smooth sailing morning. If I could replay it, I would said: “I need to slow down, I’m sorry.” Or “ Thank you. I apologize, I wasn’t listening to your announcement.” I would have smiled and sent her love for a smooth sailing day of her own.

A tip from our workshop is to catch yourself in the act of judging, projecting or taking a superior position toward someone who is “different” and THEN tell someone you trust what you did. The teacher is still very much a student. Thanks for reading my story if you made it this far.

A man opened fire on concert-goers in Las Vegas as if they were soda cans on a country fence,  two days ago. I feel angry, helpless, and deeply sad, if I allow myself to think about it long enough. I condemn violence. We need more love and compassion.

I’m going to be the change I want to see in the world and carry the TSA agent’s face in my mind today as a reminder that SMOOTH SAILING is my wish for every human on the planet.

You Don’t Look Latina! Blurring the lines of ethnicity, race and nationality


By Guest Blogger, Delta Concepts Consulting Senior Consultant, Josy Laza Gallagher 

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Being Black and Latina is a beautiful and unique experience. My heritage runs deep. It’s also challenging.

I’m Cuban-American. Both of my parents were born in Cuba. My mother was mulata and my father was Black. That’s who I am. I am not one or the other. I am the best of both worlds and I am proud to be both. My Cuban roots and my African roots intermingle and reside in me.

Hispanic Heritage

My Latina Heritage

I love being Latina. The Cuban culture is very rich, and I proudly display the Cuban flag and my “cubanismo” – pride for Cuba — in all that I do, even in my email address, josy4cuba, and my car plates, 4Cuba!

Being raised in a Cuban family meant that I grew up dancing to the music of Havana-born Celia Cruz, eating rice and black beans, roast pork and plantains. We celebrated saints in the Orisha religion, a blend of native African religions and Roman Catholicism. We belonged to the Cuban Social club in New York where I danced at my quinceañera, which in Latina America and among Latinos is the celebration of a girl’s 15th birthday and her transition from childhood to adulthood.

In New York, I grew up in an Irish-American neighborhood. There were only three families of color in the neighborhood and I went to the local Catholic school where there were only two children of color in the entire school, including me. I tried my best to fit in.

Shifting Between Cultures

It was when I read Our Separate Ways: Black and White Women and the Struggle for Professional Identity by Ella L. J. Edmondson Bell and Stella M. Nkomo that I understood the term “shifting.” After conducting an eight-year survey of more than 800 black and white female managers, Bell and Nkomo explained how we all engage in some form of adjusting who we are depending on our environment. Some of us feel that we must engage in shifting more than others.

For example, I can still remember in school enthusiastically singing the song “Molly Malone” at a St. Patrick’s Day event. The nuns thought that it was so cute to see this black child singing this song that they had me sing it to a group of nuns visiting the school. I did not think anything of it then, but it stands out now in my memory as an example of feeling separate and apart from my schoolmates.

When I started my career in corporate America, I learned that there is negativity associated with being Black and that sometimes being a Black Latina made it easier for others to accept me. I was often surprised that when some people learned that I was Latina, they would say that I was a “different” type of Black and more readily accepted me.

At first glance, I am always categorized as Black — until I speak Spanish. I am met with astounded faces. “Wait, are you Black?” people ask. (Why yes, the last time I looked, I am Black!) They ask, “Where did you learn to speak Spanish?” And my personal favorite, “Oh, you’re Latina? Then you must be Dominican.” Latinos are more familiar with seeing Black Dominicans than in other Latino groups.

I’m used to these reactions, because in the eyes of many I don’t look Latina because of the color of my skin.

But what’s a Latina supposed to look like? And why is there only one image of such a diverse culture? The truth is that Hispanic is my ethnicity, Black is my race and American my nationality.

Blurring the Lines of Ethnicity, Race and Nationality

The truth is, I am not easily categorized, and I’m not often “seen” in the media. I am not surprised that most people do not see a Black person as a Latino. The media does not represent us. If you turn on the Spanish-speaking channels Telemundo or Univision, you do not see an Afro-Latina as the main character in the soap operas, variety shows or as news anchors. Occasionally we are featured in the soap operas as the maid or the healer. We even have our own Oprah — her name is Cristina — and she is blond and blue-eyed! Spanish magazines rarely showcase Black Latinos. And yet, there are more people who look like me in the Latino community than not.

Crossing Over Made-Up Boundaries

As a Black Latina, I have struggled with a constant struggle to gain acceptance from both groups.

You speak Spanish but may not be fully accepted in the Hispanic community. You are brown, but you speak Spanish, and may not be fully accepted in the African American community.

Then there is what you look like. Skin color, facial features and hair texture constantly comes up during conversations within the Latino community. You are considered pretty if you have “good hair” (straight and long) as opposed to “bad hair” (tight curls, kinky). The beauty ideal is to have thin lips vs. thick lips and a straight nose vs. a wide nose. Lighter and brighter is constantly being reinforced in the Latino community. We hear it growing up: “To improve our race, you should marry someone lighter than you,” “Stay out of the sun or you’ll become black like tar.”

Are You in the Right Place?

As much as I love being who I am, being a Black Latina can be overwhelming. It seems like there’s not a day that I don’t have to explain myself. A few years ago, I attended a luncheon for Hispanic professionals in D.C. and was questioned if I was in the right conference. When I approached a few tables to find a seat and asked if the seat was available, my Latino colleagues told me that it was saved for a friend. I finally found a seat at a table where non-Latinos welcomed me to join them.

Another time, I was co-facilitating a session for professional Latinas/Hispanic women at a Working Mother conference for multicultural women, and as I greeted the women entering the room, they were confused and asked me if I was in the right place. There was another session for African-American women across the hall and they thought I should be in that session. My co-facilitator was a light-skinned Latina and no one questioned her right to be in that session.

You Belong

Here are a few tips that help me navigate these situations.

  1. Bring your whole self to work. Although it might sometimes make a colleague feel more comfortable to be able to identify you as one type of race or ethnicity, don’t fit yourself into a box. Be yourself.
  1. Share your experiences and thoughts about being a Black Latina. By doing so, you can not only inspire other Black Latinas to be proud of who they are, but you can also educate other people and open their eyes to bias.
  1. Show commonality. There are multiple ways that our cultures crossover to one another. People often connect over food, music, dance and family stories. Although our cultures are different, we can acknowledge the similarities in our traditions. It helps us be able to better see each other.
  1. Be open to listening. It can be difficult to deal with stereotypes. If we want to be valued and respected, we need to value and respect others who may not understand that their words are offensive, or that they have an unconscious bias driving their behavior.

I am proud to be a dark-skinned, Spanish-speaking Cuban-American woman. When I show up as who I am, share my story and question biases and restrictive boundaries, I make the world a more beautiful and culturally rich place to be.

You can do it, too.

How to Be an Ally When You Witness a Micro-Inequity

By Brad Wilkinson, Guest Blogger and Delta Concepts Consulting senior consultant

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My 83-year-old mother is a creature of habit. I know where I get it from. It’s our habit to go out to dinner once a month in the small town she now lives in just a few miles outside of Atlanta. We always go to the same place and order the same things.

One Sunday when we entered “our place,” there was an African-American woman, probably my mom’s age, already standing at the host stand – and no host. Within a matter of seconds, a very energetic young woman arrived, looked directly at my mother, who is white, and asked, “table for two?” Imagine my pride when Mom said, without missing a beat, “Yes, but this lady was here when we arrived.” The host then turned, warmly acknowledged the other woman, and ushered her to a seat.

It may seem like a small moment in time, but these things matter. Knowingly or not, Mom used her “white privilege” and exhibited ally behavior. Perhaps the host, who was white, attended to the white party before the African American woman out of simple confusion, but this dynamic is worth exploring.

What is an Ally?


Allies are those that support others, even when it comes to micro-inequities –seemingly small and perhaps unintentional slights. Mary Rowe of MIT is often credited with creating the term “micro inequities,” building on the work of Chester Pierce on “micro aggressions”. Rowe defines micro-inequities as “small events which are often ephemeral and hard-to-prove, events which are covert, often unintentional, frequently unrecognized by the perpetrator, which occur wherever people are perceived to be ‘different’.”

In my example above, the noticeable difference was skin color. Other examples of micro-inequities include:

  • Introducing one colleague with glowing accolades, the other with just a name;
  • Typing away at a phone while someone is trying to have an important conversation;
  • Leaving someone out of social gatherings;
  • Cutting someone off in mid-sentence;
  • Saying things like, “what she’s really trying to say is,” or, asking someone who has an accent, or another physical difference like skin pigment, “No, where are you really from?” after the other person answers the first time, “From Atlanta.”
  • Expecting others to accommodate your time zone;
  • Calling someone by a nickname that makes them feel uncomfortable;
  • Making dismissive facial expressions, or sighing heavily or rolling eyes;
  • Omitting someone from an important communication;
  • Using acronyms others don’t understand;
  • Being impatient because of an accent;
  • Speaking fast or not enunciating with someone in a language not their primary.

I’ll never know for certain if our host simply didn’t see the other woman standing there or was operating out of an unconscious bias, but Mom’s pointing out the fact models a tool anyone can use when we witness these small slights.

How to be an Ally

First, POINT IT OUT. Describe what you just saw or heard, using non-judgmental, behavior-based language. In our case, this step was enough to handle the situation. Sometimes, you’ll want to be prepared to do more.

Second, CHECK IT OUT. Ask or invite the micro-offender to interpret their own behavior. You can ask, “Did you notice?” or “I was wondering what was going on for you?” or “Were you aware?” These questions are designed NOT TO BLAME OR SHAME, but rather to engage the person in noticing.

I think it helps here to remember the words of Mary Rowe, that the offending behavior is often “unintentional and frequently unrecognized by the perpetrator.”

Finally, if the relationship is an ongoing one, it may be helpful to WORK IT OUT – determining how to handle similar situations in the future.

Of course, not every situation you witness may be a micro-inequity in action. And, as a member of dominant groups – white, male, person without a disability – I can use my power & privilege to draw attention to these types of behaviors, without non-dominant group folks always having to be the “angry one”. So, I invite my dominant group brothers & sisters to be aware, pay attention & look around you. Think how you’d like to receive feedback if you were the one offending, intentionally or unintentionally.   I draw inspiration from Ta-Nehisi Coates, national correspondent for The Atlantic and author of Between the World and Me. When asked by majority group folks, what would you have us do? Coates offers, “I’d have you be a conscious citizen of this terrible and beautiful world.”

The Power of Business Resource Groups (BRG’s)

By Monica McCoy, Guest Blogger and Delta Concepts’ Consultant

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When I graduated from Emory University and started my corporate career with The Coca-Cola Company, I was so excited. This amazing company would open up so many opportunities for me. I quickly learned that one of the best ways to grow as a leader, expand my skills and widen my network was to participate in the company’s Business Resource Groups.

When going through my new employee onboarding and training, I was fascinated to discover the variety of Business Resource Groups that were available to employees. They ranged from the Women’s LINC (lead, inspire, connect) Business Resource Group, geared towards developing women personally and professionally, to the African-American Business Resource Group, and a host of others. Among other benefits, the groups promote diversity and inclusion in the workplace. Each group sets objectives and connects employees to individuals outside our day-to-day job functions.

What’s a Business Resource Group?

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The official definition from Catalyst for an Employee Resource Group is “a voluntary, employee-led group that serves as a resource for members and organizations by fostering a diverse, inclusive workplace aligned with organizational mission, values, goals, practices, and objectives.”   From a historical perspective, the first BRG was formed by the CEO of Xerox, Joseph Wilson, after the 1964 race riots. Today, more than 90 percent of organizations offer groups like this for their employees.

I knew immediately that I wanted to join a Business Resource Group. I knew it would help to develop me as a leader through its programs, help me to network across business functions, and assist in aligning my professional goals with the organization’s overall business goals.

How BRGs Can Benefit You

Here’s an example of how a BRG can enhance your career: An employee looking to transition from finance to marketing can take on the leadership role of co-chair of the marketing committee for their respective Business Resource Group and learn the skills necessary to make a career change. From a programming perspective, it’s an opportunity to advance or participate in areas of passion. For example, if you are a member of the Asian BRG and you would like to introduce Asian cuisine and culture to the organization, there could be an opportunity to participate. BRGs also offer the opportunity for individuals to learn more about other parts of the organization due to the diverse membership base.

BRGs Bolster Diversity and Inclusion

Another benefit to being an active leader and member of a Business Resource Group is to help identify high potential diverse talent. As a former board member of The Coca-Cola Company Women’s LINC Business Resource Group, I believe that half of my promotions within the company can be traced back to my active involvement in the women’s LINC organization. When companies can tap into the talent of their respective BRGs, it allows for leadership to truly discover and appreciate the talent pool of the organization.

Stay Focused on Priorities

It’s important to consider some best practices for participating in BRGs. Don’t overcommit yourself when taking on a contributing role in your BRG. Joining is something that you do on top of your regular full-time job. It is about making a commitment and honoring your commitment. Another consideration is to join a BRG that might be out of your comfort zone – for example, as an ally. It provides you the benefit of expanding your perspective, network, exposure, interests and knowledge.

Four Ways to Promote Diversity and Inclusion through BRGs

  • For your next major business project, consider partnering with your BRG to gain focus group results.
  • Make an effort to participate in the BRG networking events, conferences, and lunch and learn series to develop personally and professionally. These events are an opportunity to learn from dynamic internal leaders or from external guest speakers.
  • Be an ambassador for BRGs in the workplace. Every BRG provides an opportunity for us to learn more about our respective colleagues and promote individuals working together to help the business meet short and long term strategic business objectives
  • Finally, share feedback to your Office of Diversity about your experience with Business Resource Groups. As the consumer base for Fortune 500 companies becomes more diverse, it’s going to be critical to not only attract the talent that reflects the evolving consumer demographic, but more importantly to retain the talent.

Why I’m Proud to be an LGBTQ Ally

By Guest Blogger, Jorge Manjarres, Group Vice President, Commercial Real Estate Banking at SunTrust Bank

I consider myself to be a strong and proud ally to the LGBTQ community, both here at work and in my personal life. But I can’t say I was always conscious of my own biases. For many of us, we aren’t awakened to our own biases until we’re confronted in a deeply personal way.

When my cousin came out to our family, I was flooded with memories about my past misconceptions about gay people. I’ve realized that being a true ally often begins with examining our past and present beliefs so that we can make changes in the right direction. To be a good ally, you have to look inward at your own biases. Sometimes those biases confront you head on.

That’s what Héctor did for me.

My Cousin, My Teacher

Last year, my cousin Héctor became the first openly gay member of the family. Héctor and I had grown up together in my grandfather’s house. While I wasn’t shocked to learn he was gay, his words made me take a hard look at my biases. I’ve since realized that there was a lot of homophobic talk in our house. As much as I idolized my grandfather, during our childhood he would often use a Spanish slang word that meant gay when we did something wrong. I can only imagine how that affected Héctor.

I remember in college a fraternity brother I was close to asked me what would happen if I found out he was gay. I made horrible jokes and told him that I would feel betrayed, in essence making it clear that it would not be acceptable. I feel terrible about that. He started to isolate himself, and eventually left the fraternity.

Since then, many family members have been supportive of my cousin, others less so. I’ve had conversations with Héctor about his experiences. He’s helped me realize how much unnecessary pain we can cause LGBTQ teammates, friends, and loved ones through careless words. He opened my eyes to the importance of supporting the LGBTQ community and being an active member of my corporation’s teammate network, sometimes called an ERG or BRG.

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What does it mean to be an ally?

Being an ally means that you help people feel safe. At work, it means fostering that safe space so that all of us can bring our “whole selves” to work, without fearing that we will not be accepted. Allies have the opportunity to make LGBTQ teammates feel welcome, heard, and supported.

But being the best ally you can be means acknowledging and understanding unconscious bias. Your beliefs affect your decisions and the way you communicate. I make an intentional effort to understand my beliefs to prevent causing unintentional hurt.

I display the rainbow flag in my office, and it leads to a lot of conversations. Some of the interactions are positive; others less so. I embrace all of them as an opportunity to share the good work that the teammate networks (BRG’s) are doing and SunTrust’s inclusion efforts.

5 tips to being an effective ally

My recent involvement in the Atlanta LGBT Teammate Network (BRG) has also given me the opportunity to assist with our blossoming ally initiatives. Here are a few guidelines to being a great ally:

  1. Instead of using the term boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife, use the term partner or significant other. For example, ask your colleague to bring their partner to the company event.
  2. Know the difference between sexual orientation and sexual “preference;” the latter is often perceived as offensive. Preference implies choice. Model the awareness and language of sexual orientation and gender identity.
  3. Speak up when you hear bias, inequities, or aggressions regarding orientation or gender identity. Sometimes these statements are on a “micro” level. Those micro-aggressions can be just as hurtful.
  4. Understand that “straight” and cisgender people have blind spots. Know that even the most well intentioned ally can make hurtful statements. If you do so, it’s an opportunity to learn where you have those blind spots and make things right.
  5. Show up, volunteer and attend events at your company that are sponsored by your LGBTQ colleagues. You will likely be glad you did.

The views and opinions in this Blog are those of Jorge Manjarres only and should not be interpreted as the views, positions, or opinions–expressed or implied–of his employer.


Managing Accent Bias and Working with Multilingual Individuals

By Guest Blogger Luciana C. de Oliveira, Ph.D.

Recently, while travelling for work, a driver took me from Boston to Dartmouth for a presentation on immigrant students in the U.S. He asked me a simple – but interesting – question that touches on a topic I’m very close to: being inclusive with people who are multilingual.

He asked me where I was from. I told him that I live in Miami.

“Is that where you are really from?” he asked.

I answered, “No, I’m originally from Brazil but have lived in the U.S. for 20 years.”

“Wow!” he said. “And you still have such a strong accent?”

I don’t usually get comments like that anymore. I was nearly fluent in English when I moved to the U.S. at age 22, and I don’t think my accent is that obvious. I said to the driver, “Have you heard your accent?”

“Good point!” he said.

It was indeed a good point. Sometimes so-called “native” English speakers notice multilingual individuals’ accents more than they recognize their own. The reality is that everybody has an accent! Sometimes the accent is associated with prestige, other times with being from specific regions in a country (any country), and yet others with being international.


What is Your Accent Bias?

Accent is defined as “a distinctive manner of expression . . . a way of speaking typical of a particular group of people.” Notice that it is not particular to multilingual people or so-called “non-native” speakers of a language. However, it is typically associated with such individuals.

How do we deal with accent bias in our lives as multilingual individuals or people who interact with speakers of other languages? First, we need to be aware that we all have accents – and that an accent is not something unique to just bilingual or multilingual individuals. It is actually a common aspect of any language. Even people who only speak one language have an accent, as my driver in Boston did.

Here are a few tips on managing bias and working with multilingual individuals.

  1. Refrain from telling someone that she has a strong accent, especially if that person is a speaker of multiple languages. Why even make such a comment? My advice would be to appreciate the other person’s abilities and skills. After all, that person has had to learn more than one language. In the United States, being bilingual or multilingual, unfortunately, is not the norm, as it is in many other places around the world. So people may notice accents more often here than in countries in Europe, for instance, where being able to speak three or more languages is the norm.
  2. If you sense that a person is multilingual, please don’t shout to be understood. It really does not help and can be seen as an insult. Please be patient and do not get upset yourself. Keeping calm can go a long way towards better communication.
  3. If you are unable to understand what someone is saying – for whatever reason – ask that person to repeat what they said, but never blame the person for it! You can say, “Could you please repeat that? I’m not sure I understood what you are trying to say.” Politeness helps. Put the burden on yourself to understand the other person. Don’t say, “Your accent is making it hard for me to understand you,” or comments like that.

These tips are not just for speaking with multilingual people. As I mentioned before, monolingual speakers have accents too.


Luciana C. de Oliveira is Associate Professor in the Language and Literacy Learning in Multilingual Settings program area in the Department of Teaching and Learning at the University of Miami in Miami, Florida.

Working Across Gender Lines to Achieve Results


By Guest Blogger, Delta Concepts Consulting Senior Facilitator, Melanie Miller

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The often-quoted guide Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, by John Gray, argues that men and women communicate so differently that it seems the gap between them is too great to bridge. But we know, as does Gray, that we’re all on one planet. It requires work on both sides to understand each other and be effective together.

Now more than ever communication is more complex than simply male and female. We acknowledge that many characteristics of diversity can have implication on communication effectiveness but, for the purposes of this blog, we will look at a binary interpretation of gender*.

The Gender Divide, Generally Speaking

Businesses with diverse workforces can outperform their more homogeneous peers and are better positioned to adapt to a rapidly changing global business environment. Yet often organizational cultures unconsciously drive frustrations across the gender divide.

Let’s discuss gender characteristics. This is a tricky subject. Although the following descriptions of men and women are generalizations, (meaning we acknowledge that these characteristics are not true for all men or all women) from work done at Kenexa High Performance Institute, that men tend to express masculine characteristics (e.g. task orientation, analytical, stoic, leader, unemotional, gutsy, direct and aggressive) and women tend to express feminine characteristics (e.g. emotional, thoughtful, fair, nice, warm, nurturing, collaborative and compassionate). We will save a discussion of the unconscious bias intersection and its roots for another blog, but for now, let’s look at how it plays out in how men and women communicate and work.

Six Stumbling Blocks in Intercultural Communication

 Author Laray M. Barna identifies six obstacles we encounter when it comes to communicating with one another.

(1) assumed similarity – When we believe that different genders hold the same values, beliefs and goals;

(2) language – When we fail to acknowledge gender-typical verbal and non-verbal language;

(3) non-verbal misinterpretations – Misinterpreting non-verbal behaviors;

(4) preconceptions and stereotypes – Being unaware of societal preconceptions, attitudes and stereotypes;

(5) tendency to evaluate – Seeing the “other” as inferior to us; and

(6) high anxiety – Feeling stress due to the number of uncertainties present.

Men and Women communication

Examples of Typical Differences in Male and Female Styles

Talking Style

Women: Tend to talk to express feelings. Their focus is on building rapport (Rapport Talk), by sharing experiences and asking questions. They tend to listen with more eye contact, head nods and verbal connectors for support. Women are more likely to talk to other women when they have a problem or need to make a decision. Women think of listening as giving the other an opportunity to share.

Men: Tend to talk to exchange information. They keep their problems to themselves and don’t see the point in sharing personal issues. In fact, they share experiences as a way of being one-up. Men like to tell and give information with data and facts rather than ask questions. “Report Talk” – meaning their style tends to support monologue in a report type manner. Men, most often, listen as a strategy to get results..

Asking Questions

Men: Ask questions of experts to engage in verbal sparring. Public face is important to men, so asking a question can tear down the self-image of self-sufficiency.

Women: Ask questions to establish connection and relationship. To soften potential disagreements. They ask for information in a way that validates the other’s experience.


 Men: See life as a contest and tend to be more comfortable with conflict. They are less likely to hold themselves in check. Men can have a disagreement, move on to another subject and go get a drink together afterwards. Men see apologies as admitting guilt.

Women: Conflict is a threat to connection and is to be avoided. If women have a disagreement with each other, it can affect all aspects of their relationship. Women see apologies as restoring balance.

Workstyle Orientation:

 Women: Tend to be more relationship oriented, and look for commonalities and ways to connect with other women. Women get things done at work by building relationships. They will likely use words and phrases that soften an opinion or gently undermine a point in order to make others feel more comfortable.

Men: Seem to relate to other men on a one-up or one-down basis. Status and dominance is important. Men build relationships while they are working on tasks with each other.

How Men and Woman Work Together

 Here is a specific example from Laray Barna to show how one of these data points can play out at work:   At meetings women nod their head to show they are listening. Men think the woman is agreeing with them. He then assumes the women will go along with his idea. He is surprised when she later disagrees, since she nodded her head. She has no idea why he thought she agreed with him since he never asked her.

At meetings, men only nod their heads when they agree. If a woman is speaking and she doesn’t see his head nod as he listens, she assumes he either disagrees or is not listening.

We must recognize that these are simply communication and workstyle differences – nothing more and nothing less. Too often we experience these differences and make the other (“them”) wrong. A ripple effect then supports the development and perpetuation of stereotypes and perceptions of an entire group of people. Let’s not judge – perhaps developing an awareness for and language of these differences might help drive respect rather than assessment.

What Can We Do?

  1. Discuss Gender. Become aware of gender differences and discuss intent and impact.
  2. Cross-gender mentoring/sponsoring – Find a mentor or sponsor who is the opposite of you!
  3. Expose men and women to male mentors who champion gender inclusion.
  4. Address unconscious bias anywhere you see it.
  5. Become an ally when you see micro-behaviors being used to discount, put down or make the other “wrong.” Speak out when you recognize these behaviors.

As noted previously other dimensions of diversity can have implication on communication effectiveness however,, I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge that people of color in particular experience an extra layer of complexity as it relates to communication and workstyle. This dynamic underscores that all of our conversations are multilayered and very complex.

The point is to just keep trying to understand and work together.


Barbara and Allan Pease, Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps

Laray Barna, Stumbling Blocks in Intercultural Communication

Deborah Tannen, Talking from 9 to 5

US Department of Labor

Kenexa High Performance Institute

*Stay tuned to upcoming Delta Concepts Consulting, Inc. blogs where we will explore the dimension of gender identity.

5 Ways to Run an Inclusive Meeting for Introverts and Extroverts


By Guest Blogger, Tommi Paris, Southern Company Gas

I have a love-hate relationship with my Outlook meeting reminder alert.

On one hand, the reminder helps me keep pace with the day’s planned meetings. Fifteen minutes before the hour is usually my cue to brush up on the project objectives, so I can contribute to the conversation, ensure we have enough printouts for each participant, and confirm the meeting location (because it was updated twice).

On the other hand, my Outlook reminder alert never fails to send a nervous flutter to my belly. As an introvert, workplace meetings can be challenging. It often feels like in order to succeed and be perceived as a valued member of my team, I must trade my natural tendency for quiet reflection, analysis, and writing for a more appreciated, more extroverted, way of being part of a team.

The meeting culture in corporate America has evolved away from the original intent of collaboration and progress. It is increasingly competitive and unproductive. Don’t get me wrong – in today’s working world, we intend to call meetings for a clear purpose, whether it’s to keep a project on a set timeline or generate ideas for the next big pitch to a new client. However, despite our best intentions, somehow meetings (and the way we typically run them) reinforce the value corporate America tends to place on extroverts over introverts.

But introverts are very important to your team. Famous introverts include Albert Einstein, Rosa Parks, and Bill Gates – can you imagine a world without their contributions? As Susan Cain notes in her bestseller Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, “There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.”

Susan Cain Quiet

So instead of letting that nervous gut flutter get the best of me, I’m harnessing that energy and using my powers for good.

Here are five things to consider when running inclusive team meetings:

  1. In brainstorming sessions, allow introverts and extroverts to work independently. Some introverts generate their best ideas when they have time before a meeting to think quietly. Give participants the topic they’ll be brainstorming before your meeting. You might even invite folks to prepare a few ideas in advance if they prefer.
  2. Be aware of how you value team contributions. Is quantity or quality highest on your list? Do you reward contributions based on how often someone speaks up in a group? Valuing quantity over quality automatically gives extroverts an edge, because they tend to process information best by talking through lots of ideas. Deep-thinking introverts tend to process information internally, and are likely to share carefully formulated ideas.
  3. Even meetings that don’t focus on brainstorming call for clearly communicated meeting objectives and items to be discussed. Use the PAL structure in the body of your email invitation. PAL stands for Purpose, Agenda, Logistics. Circulate your PAL — short bullet points will do – andintroverts will appreciate knowing what they are walking into. Extroverts will also appreciate the heads up (they just may not know it yet).
  4. Appoint a contrarian to poke holes in the meeting’s generated ideas. Rotate the responsibility each meeting so those who may not naturally offer constructive criticism on the spot feel more comfortable doing so. Those extraverts who always have two cents to share will still be able to be heard. They’ll just have to wait their turn.
  5. Assign a designated timekeeper, scribe, or facilitator. Keep meetings short, or add breaks. Introverts need time to recharge. Implementing some of these suggestions can positively contribute to your culture of inclusion and help produce better results.

Oh look: It’s 15 minutes ‘til. Off to a meeting!

Tommi Parris is Manager of Diversity and Inclusion at Southern Company Gas. The Southern Company is an Unconscious Bias Training customer of Delta Concepts Consulting, Inc.

Black Lives Matters or All Lives Matters…Why Does it Matter?

By Guest Blogger and Delta Concepts consultant, Brad Wilkinson

On its surface, it can certainly sound more inclusive – “All Lives Matter”. But lurking just beneath the surface of this seemingly inclusive comment is, to me, the bigger problem. Many white people simply don’t know and don’t accept that black people’s experience with police & law enforcement in this country is life-threateningly different from their own. That difference in treatment is based on skin color and many have died because of it.

For me, that’s what the BLM movement is saying. (To learn more: They’re not bashing police but simply pointing out a deadly difference that needs to stop. I believe being supportive of BLM isn’t mutually exclusive with supporting police and law enforcement. As a citizen, I want our police fully staffed, trained and compensated for the work they choose to take on. And I think it was Colin Kaperneck http://( who pointed out that some cosmetologists require more training and education than do many of our armed police. If all lives really do matter then let’s all be for helping train & equip our law enforcement to cut down on all lethal force incidents across the country.

BLM Logo

From an inter-cultural perspective, lack of knowledge also leads us to minimize differences & thereby, focus on similarities. We want all life to matter so expressing “All Lives Matter” strives to point out that similarity – we want everybody’s life to matter regardless of race. And, simultaneously, the deadly difference isn’t being acknowledged or addressed. Additionally, minimizing can also lead us to see differences as “less than” thereby avoiding or altogether denying legitimacy. Claiming BLM to support violence against police & law enforcement reflects this “less than” type of minimization. Overall, minimization lessens the importance of another person’s experience. The intent or desire may be to find connection, the potential impact is the opposite.

The developmental response to minimization is focus on exploring and learning about the differences. For white people, this means learning some history, doing some listening and potentially stretching our comfort zones. With the benefit of hindsight, I asked myself, as a white person who grew up on a cotton farm in rural southern US during the 1960’s & 70’s, what would I suggest for white people who desire to be allies? These three strategies come to mind:

  1. Educate Yourself Around the Context of Race In The United States.

To know the context of race in this country, you need to understand YOUR relationship with race in this country. With this knowledge, you can then begin to understand OTHERS’ relationship with race in this country and how it IS and ISN’T similar to yours. Some reading that helped me along this path includes but isn’t limited to the following: Lies My Teacher Told Me by James Loewen, History of White People by Nell Irvin Painter, Slaves In The Family by Edward Ball, Acting White by Stuart Buck, The Warmth of Other Suns by Isabel Wilkerson, The Mismeasure of Man by Stephen Jay Gould, and Slave in a Box, The Strange Career of Aunt Jemima by M.M. Manring.

  1. Practice “Contact Theory” In Your Life – Personally & Professionally

Regularly look for ways to actively engage and be with people not like yourself. I’m not suggesting you “go get yourself a new best friend”. However, I am suggesting you be willing to move outside your comfort zone. Here are some conditions that make for contact theory’s best results: Voluntary, Equal Status, Common Goals, Intergroup Cooperation, Authority Support. This can certainly help us in the workplace to access more diverse talent. Check out this clip of Scott Horton explaining affinity bias:

  1. Listen For The Need

Marshall Rosenburg, in his amazing work around the language of nonviolence, speaks to our listening to each other to hear what needs are not being met. It requires us to focus less on who is better/right and more on how needs can be met. Ask yourself, “What need do I hear BLM supporters expressing as “not being met”? “What is my need when it comes to race relations in the US?” “What’s the need I hear in the ‘All Lives Matter’ response?”

Creativity and Innovation Can Expand Diversity Mindset

By Guest Blogger, Melissa Brachfield, TAS


So many people think of diversity as being defined by race, religion, or sexuality, but I believe it is so much more than that. I think we can broaden the definition of diversity and slow the way that people are marginalized by these terms. I think it’s about engaging in creative and innovative experiences to open our eyes to what diversity really means.

I have been lucky enough to experience two creative exercises that changed the way I view diversity. I’d like to share them with you and then take a step back to define what made the situations successful and how we can build on them to foster a deeper appreciation for diversity. The first was an exercise I was able to participate in during my college freshmen orientation and the second was more recently with an initiative at my workplace. I think both serve as valuable lessons for the impact that creativity and innovation can have on the way we all view diversity.


My intrigue for diversity began at a moment when I least expected it. I arrived at my college freshmen orientation in August of 2008 expecting to browse through course catalogue, mingle with incoming students, and maybe get a tour of the campus I’d call home for four years. I did indeed receive all of that, but the unexpected gift came in a “special activity” that was planned for Friday night of the orientation weekend. Our orientation leaders casually led us into the auditorium where we were greeted by Tyrone Black, the university’s then Director of Multi-cultural Affairs.

Tyrone Black was the creator and facilitator for a term he coined “The Weights of Reality”. The lecture started off really light hearted. He was captivating and everyone in the room was drawn to his energy. After the introduction, the mood took a turn to a more serious note. He went on to discuss weights that we all carry around. There were symbolic weights made from styrofoam cups and string sitting at the front of the room. I remember there to be thousands of them….



He started off only scratching the surface. He asked who carried around the weight of having too much homework, or needing to find a summer job. As he went on the topics got deeper. He asked about people carrying weights of prejudice, family stress, financial strains, disabilities…

Each time he mentioned a new weight that people carry he would add one of the weights made from styrofoam cups and string around his neck. As you can probably imagine, the site of a man with fifteen Styrofoam cups hanging from his neck was somewhat amusing, but he was so engaging and committed to the activity that it held everyone’s attention. We were all sitting at the edge of our chairs waiting to hear more and get to the punch line of the lecture.

Just at the moment where every student in the room was genuinely invested, he took a pause, turned to the orientation leaders on the side of the room and said “okay it’s time”. He instructed us to follow our orientation leaders out of the room to secluded locations around campus where we would continue to the second part of the activity.

My group of ten was lead to a small conference room on the other side of campus where all the chairs had been previously pushed aside. There was a big enough space left where the ten freshmen, plus our two orientation leaders could sit comfortably in a circle on the floor. In the center of the circle was a pile of the styrofoam weights.

One of the leaders began….

“Tyrone asked if there are situations weighing on you. I am sure there are, just as there are situations weighing on me…”

She placed about five of the weights around her neck

She shared her story about being a dancer and the pressures of keeping fit that weighed on her. It pushed her to develop an eating disorder. She shared her story with confidence, but there were tears in her eyes.

As she got through each part of the dialogue she would remove one weight at a time from around her neck – symbolizing the weight being lifted. When she was finished she turned to the ten of us, who up until that morning had been strangers, and asked if anyone would be willing to “carry” one of her weights. There were multiple people who raised their hands and then took one of her styrofoam weights away from the pile that sat in front her.

When she was done she turned to us and said “well now that you have all helped to carry my weight, I’d like to hear your story and see how I can help to carry yours.”

That next hour changed my life. Each person went around the circle and shared pieces of their lives that were extensions of who they were. The weights were all things below the surface that you would never be able to tell from simply looking at them. At the end of each person’s story, we volunteered to carry the weight for the piece we felt the most connected to. It was remarkable to see the way that strangers were capable of lending help to ease other’s pain.

I had never in my life felt comfortable sharing my own story, but the symbolism of the exercise, and the openness of the people in that room gave me the courage to speak up.

The stories I heard that night are not ones that need to be retold. The point remains the same regardless of what stories were shared. Diversity is what makes us who we are. For that hour of my life, the skin color of the guy who sat to my left and the religion of the girl who sat to my right didn’t matter. They were the farthest things from my mind….

What mattered was the stories that each individual shared and the way that people stepped up to the plate to serve a new classmate that would bond them not only for the first week of class, first semester, or 4 years of college, but for the rest of their lives.

Needless to say, the following year I was the first to submit my application to be an orientation leader and have since lead hundreds of students to the same revelation.

The Weights of Reality was an innovative exercise that changed the way thousands of college freshmen viewed diversity. It set a tone for the kickoff of an amazing college career filled with acceptance and appreciation for the people that surround you.


The second example of creativity and innovation in diversity that I have experienced is not one that I got to participate in myself, but I was able to see the impact that a diversity initiative had on my work place more than a year after it occurred.

I am currently working Talent Acquisition for one of the largest hospital system in New York City. It’s a big place and there are a lot of initiatives that take place on a daily basis that many people aren’t even aware of.

I had heard whispers around campus about an initiative that was carried out almost a year prior called “A Walk in Their Shoes”, but I hadn’t learned about it up close. It turns out that our director participated. The idea behind a “A Walk in Their Shoes” was that two hospital employees would swap job responsibilities for the day (ideally employees from polar ends of the job spectrum) so they could better understand one another and hopefully have a fresh perspective on the organization’s mission to provide an excellent standard of care to the patients.

The director of talent acquisition was paired with one of the housekeepers who was based on one of the inpatient units in the hospital. The housekeeper’s responsibilities consisted of clearing patient’s bathrooms, mopping floors, changing sheets etc. In any other environment where a housekeeper serves his or her function, the impact is arguable not substantial, but in a hospital environment the patient’s health is at risk. For the sake of the patients, every toilet, sink and door knob needs to be completely disinfected.

My director, although a lovely woman, is not one you would easily imagine scrubbing toilets on her hands on knees, but for that day, she committed to the project and fulfilled her job with pride. The housekeeper who served as her mentor for the day made a lasting impression on her, and she in turn, made a lasting impression on us. The housekeeper came as a guest speaker to one of our staff meetings nearly a year after “A Walk in Their Shoes” occurred and the impact was still evident.

My director threw her arms around this woman as she entered into our conference room. They have, ironically, or not so ironically, formed quite the friendship. Our director inviting this woman as a guest speaker to our talent acquisition staff meeting delivered a central message. Every job talent acquisition hires for at the hospital is important. The housekeepers who keep the patient’s room clean so they don’t catch any infections could be equally as important as the nurse of doctor who treats the patients clinically. The second piece of the message that she delivered is that we shouldn’t judge people based on their job title, educational background, credentials, or status.

I can assure you after that day and hearing the explanation of why her job is so important, I no longer dreaded filling the housekeeping positions that came across my desk. To be quite honest, I now get excited to fill those positions. It is rewarding to hire a diamond in the rough and a person who is equally as committed to the hospital’s mission and the patients as the doctors are. The enthusiasm that many of them bring to their positions is contagious. They are appreciative of the job responsibilities they fulfill because it is their way to make a huge difference. It sounds like a pretty respectable job to me…. Or at least it does now after having the chance to see the results of “A Walk in Their Shoes”.


So, I’ve had the opportunity to share two experiences that broadened my view of diversity. Although “Weights of Reality” and “A Walk in Their Shoes” happened years apart, in different states, run by different people, and at different points in my life, the creativity and innovation of both is what made a lasting impression.

I think we still have a long way to go as mankind when it comes to diversity. Talking and sharing opinions is great and I think every bit will help to change perspective, but in my opinion, the things that make the largest impact, are ones that change you in ways you’d never expect.

I took some time to reflect about the aspects that made these two experiences so successful in changing my thoughts on diversity. Here is what I came up with…

Both events:

  • Broke barriers
  • Gave a different perspective
  • Had a “call to action” instead of just a discussion
  • Forced people to be actively involved
  • Removed the focus of diversity from race and religion
  • Built relationships with unexpected people
  • Left everyone wanting more

If you are ever in the place where you have the chance to develop an activity that will impact people’s views on diversity, I challenge you to think about that list. How can we all continue to think creatively in the evolution of diversity in the hopes of changing the world around us?

Melissa Marsh is Talent Acquisition Recruiter at New York-Presbyterian Hospital, and is an aspiring D&I professional